straight and narrow...

It was always three of my steps to keep up with one of my dads when we walked.  It wasn't that simple of an equation though.  We occasionally would be at the same sidewalk square, as we walked at our individual paces, then before you know it, he was a square ahead and I would have to super shuffle my navy zips six times my normal speed just to catch up.  This would happen over and over and over in the single journey.  I would stare at the backs of his Birkenstock treaded feet and reach for his hand when I was coming in for the landing, like a boat pulling into the floating dock. Conversations were had simultaneous to the yo-yo motions without a pause, almost with the fluidity of a Whee-lo (google it).  I never was the kid who wandered off and on the same course as my dad stayed straight on, like the little kids in Family Circus.  Just two steps behind—then three—then four………catch up…..

 

I have always wanted to stay on course and always try to keep up.  It takes a tremendous amount of energy to concentrate constantly on what and where you want to be, that sometimes, you miss out on all the things you are.  I do wonder what if I had wandered?

You can plan, expect, or demand, but at this point, I'd prefer to wander…hopefully it's not too late.

my most recent email to Pres. Obama.

Dear President Obama,

I am asking for you put into the books a law requiring all car and truck bumpers be at exactly the same distance from the ground and be made out of a black rubber that will not mar when two bumpers collide at slow speeds.

Thanks,
dan

i'm diggin' this...

I can't stop listening to these guys; a band named "the bamboos".  you have got to take a listen.

hang in there [not the kitten in the tree poster]

I'm worried about a dear friend.  I was more worried a week ago, but still, i'm concerned.  Danny has dedicated the last several years to a one time [for complicated reasons] shot at getting clemency granted to a friend.  For the last year, he put work aside and concentrated on this effort. He paid out of pocket to help orchestrate a powerful campaign that dealt with local politicians, democrats and republicans, and state officials all the way up to the governor.  He brought in top law professors from prestigous universities.  He felt that this cause was just from the bottom of his soul and could not fathom why this should be denied and his wife supported him whole-heartedly. He is certainly not a young man--in his eighties, but still goes to his office on his bike, weather permitting.  When I expressed to close ones of my concern about his health and this cause, their response was that it may kill him if the clemency is denied.  That was the obvious, but I was actually more concerned if her clemency was granted.  I truly felt that in the event that that clemency call came through, he might just drop dead on the spot, truly feeling like his life's mission had been completed--never even giving him an opportunity to meet with this formerly incarcerated friend.  The good news is this didn't happen.  The bad news is, clemency was not granted.  She's still in prison, having served 22 years and not eligable for parole until 2036.  Danny's morale is broken, and while still alive, he is burdoned with guilt of being unsuccessful and he has to face her in person, after a pat down and long walk through a steel cage, on January 27th.  Never have I met someone as selfless as Danny and I strive to be a fraction of the caring man that he is.  Be well my friend.

dopey, fingernails and me.

We were going to the library to pick up a copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for Sarah, who needed it for a school report.  Bruce, her older brother, 5 grades our elder was muscular with attributes of a body builder...I think he might have even competed, walked us there to get the book.  Sarah was 9, I was 8.  I was expecting to see a picture book with the disney images of the sneezy et. al. and was disappointed to see a fairly abstractly illustrated version of the tale, that barely resembled the common and commercial version we were used to.  As the librarian was checking out the book and inserting the green index card that had the return date stamped on the top by one of those ink stampers that had scrolling numbers and months on something that resembled the tracks of a tank, i strayed.  I strayed to the double set of heavy glass doors with long worn brass handles.  I opened and let them close repeatedly and would try to catch the door just before the compressed air hinges puffed them closed.  As I  was "playing with them", an older women walked into the library with her bag of books to return and gave me a stern warning to cease playing with them or I was going to get hurt. While I tend to recall that I was a very respectful of my elders type of kid who always listened to authority, this time i disregarded.  I continued as she passed me.  She jinxed me.  On the last close, and it was the last for a reason, my left hand missed the long handle and grabbed the edge of the door instead.  I knew this was bad, but the door was too heavy to hold with my eight year old finger tips.  So it pressed, compressed and crushed my four finger tips just above the last knuckle. silence.  silent scream. tears rolling down my face and finally a horror scream.

Bruce swept me up, threw me over his shoulder as if I was a sack of potatos and ran me home.  I remember the bouncing as he carried only made my throbbing fingertips throb more.  My dad took a large yogurt container and filled it with ice and water and submerged my fingertips as if i was getting prepped for a manicure.  They pulsated and thumped and stung.  That was enough for that day.  In the coming days, all of the nails fell off which sounds much more horrifying than it was to actually experience. 

So what's the moral of the story?...why am I telling you about this?  I don't know.  but I have flashes of this story several times a year and i find it humbling to recall that even the best kids can hold a deaf ear to reason, and that's ok.  we all get our fingers smashed by something in life.

no wonder i'm near poor....

i officially have two jackets and two pants that have holes in their pockets large enough for coins to fall out.

starbucks 2

 
 

starbucks

 
 
 
 

if only my cooking was so delightly received...

the songs never the same again

Sure you've heard them before, but no matter what what you thought of the songs "sister christian" by night ranger, jesse's girl by rick springfield and 99 red balloons by nena, before, it is never the same after you watch this scene from boogie nights. let me set it up for you. after being a porn star for at the height of his short lived careers, and now fallen from grace, he accompanies a friend on a drug deal in which he knows that the drugs he's selling are fake. the intensity of this scene in context is quite breathtaking and like i said, you will never hear this song and NOT relive this scene.

view for yourself...

done.

life is good, but...

i can't help but curse the soured gods when i'm eating a delicately sweet bagel encrusted with chocolate chip morsels and i get to a bite that must have been resting against an onion bagel brother in the bagel maternity ward.

tonight!

Javon Jackson Band featuring Les McCann

Vocalist/pianist Les McCann's 1969 album Swiss Movement with Eddie Harris made him a household name and created a frenzy in popular music with the huge success of McCann's signature version of "Compared to What." Now, saxophonist Javon Jackson joins forces with McCann to salute this monumental point in jazz history. With a raucous, infectious groove like no other, Jackson and McCann are set to bring soul to the masses!

One of the week's major attractions is the team-up of pianist and singer Les McCann (pictured) and saxophonist Javon Jackson, who will perform Wednesday through Saturday at Jazz at the Bistro. Both men previously have led their own bands at the Bistro, but their current collaboration, dubbed "Swiss Movement Revisited" in honor of McCann's famed partnership with the late saxophonist Eddie Harris, will be making its St. Louis debut.

Though McCann, who turned 73 last month, and Jackson, who's 43, are from different generations, they seem like a natural musical match - both men have made a lot of groove-oriented music over the course of their respective careers, but both also have shown a proclivity for occasional detours into more adventurous and/or eccentric territory. For some video of McCann and Jackson together, see this post from last Saturday. You may also enjoy perusing this interview Jackson did with StLJN back in 2005.

Restaurants:

Atlas

Revival

Triumph Grill

Jazz at the Bistro (possibly outdated menu)

Terrene (would have to make 6pm reservation)

their cup floweth over

growing up what i perceived as lower middle class, i always saw what others had and assumed that theirs must have cost more and be better than ours since we didn't have a lot. 

for example: tape.  our scotch tape was cloudy, theirs was perfectly clear. when in the roll you could see down to the center from the outside like fine crystal.  it must cost gazillions more to make such fantastic tape.  clear must be better--at least that's what I thought.  oh to be rich.

this is one of my far from landmark misconceptions realized in my wise old age.

catchphrases never to be repeated

if i don't hear the following two things again until the election, i will be a happier boy:

any reference to anyone being a "maverick"
the "corruption on wall street"

bet you can't watch just once....

Slight, but no lambchop

For some reason I trust a man more if he has some length of sideburns.
The straight in line off the top of the ear doesn't cut it. It's a
sure sign of über straight laced on the outside, deviant on the in.
But if you go into mutton chop territory, you run the risk of
appearing too rebelious.

You never knew it was so complicated did you?

Dan

i can't be the only one.

i may be repeating myself, and forgive me if i am, but i can't be the only guy who, when given two adjacent doors to a building, always, always, always reaches for the one that is locked.

turtles are strange too.

but i am currently fascinated with armadillos.  they are a strange beast.  so practical. ugly. cute. odd.  when you take a step back, most animals really are strange and unique.  i once stared at a box turtle in amazement for over 15 minutes, before i ate it.  ok, just kidding about the eating part.  it just sounded like it should lead up to something fantastic and humorous.  no such luck.  just stared and let go.

Pic of the week

how big a dork are you?

not sure how to answer that?  well i can easily tell you that i am pretty high up on the dork ranking--i'd even venture to say i am a corporal in the ranks.  i bought an iphone....on the first day... and i love it.  but i won't let anyone diminish this love affair.

call me picky

oh yeah, the reason i don't think bangs look that great on women/girls is that they become candidates for this

ouch.

i just had a Tonsillectomy done yesterday. i love being put under
general anesthetic--something so surreal and calming. i've had it
three times and have fallen in love with all of the nurses within
seconds of application.

i'm a proud man...

to stand tall, walk to the mountain top and tell the world that i have
never seen a full episode of Sex and the City! Or an episode of any
CSI, Law and or Desperate Housewives for that matter...

today is the day

i didn't want to get out of bed today. but i did.
i wanted to wear my favorite pair of pants. so i did.
i wanted to have lunch with my daughter. i was allowed.
i wanted to get out of a work meeting tonight. i failed.

two out of four...hmm, at least the day isn't over yet.

happy birthday to me.

one last thing...

taking donations for an iphone...

mmm.

I'm note sure why, nor does it really matter why, but I find that brownies are much better when sprinkled with powdered sugar.

New Rule

When you are on the phone and get disconnected, regardless of who's fault or reason for the disconnect, it is the responsibility of the person who originally placed the call to reconnect the call.

Manny Quinn

I found myself being vocally critical of my 15 year old niece's movie choices. She goes to the movies every weekend with her friends and they see whatever is the crappiest movie out there (unintentionally). Instead of Narnia, they see Saw 2. Mid-sentence of grilling her, I paused, remembering that Bennett Leiberman, Chris McConaghy and I paid to see Mannequin when we were that age...Oh, that Meshach Taylor is a stitch! It was also entertaining when standing in line, Bennett asked for one ticket for MannaQuinn (QU- like QUick).

I ended the conversation with a sincere "have a good time Katherine, seeing whatever you want to see." And I meant it.

As a kid, I used to misinterpret the names of things. For instance, I was sure we were going to die when I found that we had a bottle of pneumonia with our cleaning supplies. Also, I really thought malt balls [i.e. Whoppers] were moth balls.

giddy

A actually was crudely starstruck when I found a letter to the editor in my Popular Science magazine written by Sting. Oh my gosh. he likes the same things I do. We have so much in common! (The preceding italicized text are to be read with a puberty strucken valley girl tone)

a month has passed...

and I think I finally was able to quarantine some time to think. Work has been crazy. Family life has been crazier.

We've added a new family member to the house: a rescued dog from Katrina-land. When talking to some friends, they commented how nice it would be to start with an adult dog and skip the puppy training. The 13 year old daughter chimed in with "yeah you don't get all the pee-ness". Considering we didn't have the luxury of seeing this written down, we all turned to her with an inquisitive gaze...

don't cross the line

I hope that I have proven to those who know me that I am a stand up guy. A few examples:

• At the grocery store, if you only have a few items, you can go in front of me.
• I will hold the door for you, no matter who you are.
• I will help you install a fence after I have already worked 14 hours that day.

There's just a line I draw:

Do NOT under any circumstances, in the middle of dinner, ask for some of my single can of soda. You see, it's a science of rationing and pacing. At the beginning of eating, I mentally allocate all of the fluid and associate it with a corresponding food to fluid ratio. I try not to go through 2 cans of soda in a meal and one is just barely enough to pass muster.

full disclosure

I have a chronic fear. I'm inclined to qualify it as a phobia, but it doesn't exist on the official list of phobias. I constantly have the fear as I'm driving home, when I take the last turn on the road that will let my house become visible, that I will find it either engulfed in flames, or it is not there at all, and replaced by a mound of blackened embers. Do I need therapy for this too?

revelation

I come to the conclusion that Ringo Starr is the luckiest son of a bitch on earth. He absolutely was the least talented of the Beatles and had very little impact on the success of the band. Odds are he will be the last beatle to live.

breakfast olympics

I consider it a personal challenge to get through a gallon of milk without removing, losing, or allowing to splosh into my cereal the plastic ring that was once attached to the milk jug lid. I'll even endure the milk dandruff for a perfect score.

shhh.

someone I know has a secret. I promised I wouldn't tell. But it's hard to keep a secret. So here you go...in code...try to crack it.

sasdf dk dfwoie. dowie11.

Pretty interesting, huh?

ingorance is bliss

A woman grabs her purse to use the bathroom, when ordinarily she goes without. Hmm...

observation

I think my nose hair grows faster than my beard hair (which grows fast).

if you are so lucky...

to have me a guest in your home, upon my departure, you may notice evidence of my merging of anal retentiveness and helping hand.
If your roll of toilet paper is upside down, I will right it (and yes there is an upside down), free of charge.

oh, that kind of 'liberator'...

We have been researching some family adventures for the future. A recommended hotel was followed by the hotel link: www.liberator.com . Which it took me about 2 minutes to figure out that it didn't have anything to do with the hotel, but for some reason I was on the site for at leaset 7 minutes. Come to find out that the real site address is www.libertador.com.pe. So not only was the address wrong, the name was wrong too. The funny thing is that the link was on a mainstream magazine website. Oops.

October 31

Today is not only a day of dressing up and candy collecting, but it also the day we honor the inflatable gods better known as Kooky Spooks.

close call.

The meeting was intolerable for a child of his young age. He tugged on his mother’s sleeve and begged to go play outside with Kevin. She agreed. The boys scammered down the stairs. The staircase was two stories high, long, straight and without a landing, leading directly to the door outside. They played games boys usually play when outside: tagging, running, laughing. They stayed around the cars in the parking lot though, darting in and out of the cars. Kevin started to dance in a goofy manner and the boys chuckled a good chuckle until Kevin suddenly stopped. He looked over his friend’s shoulder where two teenage black boys walked up. It became obvious that they didn’t want to play as they aggressively wrapped their hands around both boys’ necks and pulled them to the edge of the parking lot. As they walked Kevin and his friend, one of the boys pulled out a knife and the other pulled out a pair of handcuffs. It wasn’t a big knife, a pocketknife with a wooden handle and a three inch oxidized blade, but big enough to instill fear in both of the younger boys. The shorter of the two aggressors slid the handcuffs around Kevin’s friend’s wrists while the other held the knife up to his face saying with certainty that they were going to take him home with them and kill him. What happened next was a sort of bartering of words including reasons that they wouldn’t want to do that, similar to that of a hostage negotiator on a swat team, but on a much simpler scale, considering the age of the held. Were they really going to kidnap and kill. No. The surely had no intentions other than scare the shit out of two toothpick white boys. Eventually, cuffs came off, knives were pointed and threats were made, followed by the boys running for dear life in the door and up the stairs which seemed even longer that before. They gathered around their respective mothers and tried to get a word in edgewise. Somewhat successfully, although that it was crystal clear that they’re misadventures weren’t a priority, if believed at all.

senses

Your senses are amazing. They can trigger memories that have been long buried in cortex membrane. Somehow the smell enters you sinus cavity, triggers your smell smellers, then through nano eletrical pulses, it brings back a memory.

For example, whenever I pass a dumpster in an alley that is filled with food reminants with a strange liquid oozing out of the rusted corners, I instantly am reminded of a 6 month stint in Mexico City when I was wee lad. Smell, now that's pretty obvious.

Lets talk now about hearing. I've witnessed that some songs can do the same thing. Not only triggering a time and place, but the finest details too.

here's an example:
whenever I hear Don't Worry, Be Happy I flash back to summer of 1988 when I had a 1973 VW Bug - Yellow, I was parked in front of my house facing North. I was wearing a long sleeve striped shirt and orange shorts. I was being engenius [or so I thought] by taking my boombox speakers and wiring them directly to the car stereo. When the wires were eventually correctly attached, this was the song that played.

this I remember, but your birthday I forget....strange.

scary

Am I the only one who finds the extremely close relationship with Saudi Arabia, a country that does not allow women to drive or vote, freightening and pathetic. I guess I'm a bit more selective when I pick my friends. While I admit, I don't have many, I would like to think that I would not befriend the richest jerk just because he got a shit load of toys.

nifty, but disappointed it doesn't spell 'boobless'

1. Grab a calculator (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

just barely

It's remarkable to me that when we drive on an a 4 lane street with no painted lines on it since it is newly paved that we make it home alive...no seriously.

quick thought

there's only one thing I had more than drinking Coke directly out of the can: drinking Pepsi out of the can.

Goodbye old friend

Nipsey Russell

1925-2005

Well, you've had a long and bountiful life! I remember when you...well, when you were, um on ... that show...and you were....um funny. Ok forget it, I don't know how the hell I know you but thanks for being the punchline to so many of my jokes.

Brilliant

FACT: everyday, you are closer to dying
that said, are you necessarily a hypochondriac if you whenever you are ill, you feel like you are dying?

Let's play a game

Some of you will be able to play along with me. Some won't. Find the Keifer-esque attribute to the following film review that make me chuckle out loud.

Genesis
Blending humor with gravitas and innocence with wisdom, an African "griot" (an honored storyteller and keeper of tribal history) uses the evocative language of myth and fable to relate the birth of the universe and the stars, the fiery beginnings of our planet and the appearance of life on earth. By focusing on the very basic yet beautiful elements of life, Genesis provides an in-depth and gorgeous panoramic view of time, matter, birth, love and death. six years in the making, the film is the second opus from writers-directors Claude Nuridsany and Marie Pérennou (Microcosmos). Official Web Site

Did you find it? Hint: Keifer's least favorite word...or was it favorite?

I've finally found it.

I used to travel for work several times a year to San Francisco. During those trips, I would indulge myself with 2 luxuries: First I would buy 2 magazines to read on the plane (I never otherwise would buy magazines off the newstand). Second, I would treat myself to a shoeshine as I waited to board. Who can refuse the callouts and hustle of the guys in blue wrap around aprons. The rubbing of my dogs was therapudic in everyway. Anyway, one shine hustler once showed me how to tie my shoes so they wouldn't untie on their own. I never was able to replicate the knot....until now...

Thanks and image credit go to Ian for helping a brother out.

if there's a button....

I'll push it. This time I am literal and not figurative. I acknowledge that one of my traits is extreme curiosity. Although, with the threat of death, I did back when flying in a cessna with my cousin. Now here is something that I can't resist pushing....no matter what....

Newsflash!

those damn irish.

Now that's a reach.

pass the kleenex

Normally, during films that are tearjerkers, I scoff at my wife when she blubbers uncontrollably. Not necessarily because I don't think it is sad, and not because I wouldn't tear up if I watched it alone. In fact, I remember watching ET for the first time at the Brentwood Cinema at 10 years old. When ET is dying I distinctly remember blubbering myself and continuously wiping my snot and tears on my read scotch plaid flannel shirt, yet trying to hide my sensitive side from Sarah Wilson and Daniel Riles sitting on either side of me. But as an adult, when other's around, I'm filled with macho testoserone that doesn't allow crying at movies. Strange coming from a not so macho dude.
But, during our most recent family movie night, we watched Black Beauty. Now, when a six year old who normally only cries when hurt or extrememly tired, bawls like her mother due to a sad movie, it breaks my heart...bringing on a salty discharge of my own.

it's a fine line...

Dear Abbey:
I've been known to put my foot in my mouth. ex: I've asked a new mother if she was pregnant. Repeated offenses have caused me to be hyper sensitive to my ability to offend. So recently, I was faced with a dilema. When a women's hair is a different color, I usually comment and give a positive spin regarding the change. This is acceptable. So when a guy I know who was gray, is no longer as gray, what do I say? For some reason, I was more inclined to say nothing at all and I can't figure out why. This perplexes me why I would have conversational fears like this due to sex. What is the standard protocol for things like this. Are we to pretend nothing's different? It gets better; with this paranoia instilled, I can't bear to ask him about the scars behind both ears.

Signed,
E.S.

book quote.

First off, I'm no reader. I read because I have to. So here's a noteworthy quote from a kids book that cracks me up every time.

The Germ Busters by Rosemary Wells

The Frank twins dug into their
franks and beans.
The Franks had been
to the boy's room.
But they had not washed their hands.
They never did.
"That's for sissies!" said the Franks

And just in case you were wondering. This book was written in 2002, 4 years after There's Something About Mary .

goodbye little buddy...

1935-2005

say hi to the skipper for all of us.

Let me elaborate...

Ok. So back to Katrina. Here we have a city that is not even in the top ten cities based on population. AND you have a natural disaster with 2 days notice to evacuate, in which 80% of the people vacate. So we are left with 20% of a moderate sized city, in which looting, chaos and death are prevelant. And it takes how long to reign in some order and supplies to try to sustain people.

Now picture this. A top ten city. No advance warning.

We're screwed.

They're made out of people.

I was resistant to see the remake of War of the Worlds for one reason. And not the obvious Tom Cruise reason. Realism. I don't mean the aliens. I am terribly uncomfortable watching "end of the world" type movies that show utter chaos and pending doom when a disaster strikes and people act like savages when there is complete breakdown in civilization. This is realistic to the max. It could happen.

It has happened.

back to reality

I brag to my wife how analytical and logical I am, and how every action I perform is well calculated to prevent problems. Yet, 2 times in the last week I have turned on 2 different air conditioners that haven't been on in years and stood right in front. Needless to say, I was splattered from the corners of my mouth to my belt with funkified debris both times. Pure genius!

I only wish I had the time

I'm not sure how I found this, but man I wish I had the resources or time to make it. A mosaic of Elvis made completely of Post Its. Although my Elvis would probably be mistaken for Emo Phillips.

Charming, to the last

I know a guy who always closes our telephone conversations with the most sincere "goodbye friend". Strike that--he hasn't always ended our calls like that, only in the last couple years so I have to assume that I have just then earned this status. I find it so soothing and charming that no matter what the strain the subject matter of the conversation puts on my demeanor, my mood is lifted upon hanging up.

I'm Back

Almost exactly a year to the day, I have returned from my trip to mecca. Many a tales to tell of my journeys.

It's official. I'm free on work release. Or should I say, I'm free from work. Whichever, today I was laid off, or been told that my position has been eliminated. I'm curious how this next chapter will fair. Stick around for the guts and glory.

Tuesday, June 1
To my little nugget of humanity, happy 5th birthday.

Thursday, May 27

NOTE TO ALL:
Please refrain from giving me any type of gift that has "executive" anywhere on the box.

Tuesday, May 18
How quaint.
I saw one of these coffee carafe warmers, and of course I found some soft humor in the brand name and the use.

Thursday, May 13

Mother Nature, meet Franklin Covey
God forbid there be an actual tornado on the first Monday of the month at 11:00am.

Tuesday, February 10

Imagine the possibilities...
I've always said that my arms seem to get in the way when I sleep. I can never get them comfortable, and when I do, it always becomes evident within a couple minutes that there is no blood going to my fingers.
Imagine if our arms had Lego sockets at the shoulder and they could be popped off at any time. Now imagine on your bedroom wall, right next to your night stand, there is a one of those mop and broom holders:

At night, before you goto sleep, you walk over and lean one shoulder against the wall, and when you hear the click, you pull away. Repeat on the other sided and poof! You can sleep all night long with no upper appendages getting in your way.

Monday, February 9

They call me Bruce
If there was an olympic event that included taking off my socks at the same time as my pants, in a standing position, without the assistance of my hands, I would be a gold medal winner.

MISSING:

my inane thoughts that I used to be able to put here.

Well, I suppose they aren't really missing, I just haven't been motivated at all to lay them out for all to see. I'm in the dumps right now. As soon as I see some light, I'll be back.

Until then, you will have to be pacified by the fact that there are two things that if I run out of I throw a hissy fit:
1. windsheild wiper fluid
2. toilet paper

Funny that both things have to do with cleaning crap.

Monday, January 12
It's official! Here is the roll call for Survivor -allstars followed by a helpful description to help jog your memory! Strangely enough, even though I wanted him gone early in the season, I find that I am dissapointed that Johnny Fairplay is missing from this list.

Alicia -Survivor 2 - Australian Outback - black body builder who waved her finger at the vegan.
Amber -Survivor 2 -Australian Outback - small white girl. that's all I remember about her.
Colby - Survivor 2 -Australian Outback - the guy who should have won.
Ethan - Survivor 3 -Africa - the soccer player guy that could do no wrong
Jenna - Survivor 1 -Pulau Tiga - the other cute girl that wasn't colleen.
Jenna- Survivor 6 -Amazon- the winner that bathed with Heidi, the school teacher
Jerri - Survivor 2 -Australian Outback- - the B&%CH
Kathy - Survivor 4 -Marquesas- came in third. Kind of forgot about her, but I think I wanted her to win.
Lex - Survivor 3 -Africa - tatoo guy. not the tatoo guy that looked like Tommy Lee.
Richard Hatch - Survivor 1 -Pulau Tiga - I loved him in battlestar gallactica
Rob - Survivor 6 -Amazon- the young kid that thought he was playing everyone. wait, I guess he did.
Rob - Survivor 4 -Marquesas- the guy with the most annoying boston accent ever.
Rudy - Survivor 1 -Pulau Tiga - ah rudy, a message to you, rudy. You old codger.
Rupert - Survivor 7 -Pearl Islands - aka callista's all time favorite and peter jackson in tie-dye.
Shii ann - Survivor 5 -Thailand - there was a survivor thailand?
Susan - Survivor 1 -Pulau Tiga - a very cut to the chase and crass truck driver.
Tom - em>Survivor 3 -Africa - all I remember is "big tom" was almost labelled a racist, but somehow he talked his way around it...

Friday, January 9

Is nothing sacred
Well I went to the doctor today. He mentioned he wanted to do some blood tests and stuff. He leaves the room, and the nurse with a speech impediment comes in and asks if I was going to take the stool sample kit home or use it there. Of course you hear this with a barely understandable draw, and you do a double take, especially when your just expecting to withdraw blood. the nurse takes this that I don't understand what she is saying. She rephrases, but as if she talking to a retard. "can you poop in a cup?" how do you respond to this question? I'm an overacheiver, so I certainly would never say no. But, alas, I have never tried to poop in a cup. This is something I would rather do at home, but that would admit defeat. So I quickly respond "sure I can" with the same confidence as if she asked "can you stick out your tongue and tap your foot at the same time?"

Needless to say, this experience was possibly the most demeaning and horrifying non-life threatening thing I have had to do. If you want more details, you'll have to ask me in person. Otherwise, you imagine what it would be like.

Tuesday, January 6
I must say that not having used this forum much lately has been a bit of a head trip. Here are the things that have happened in the last month.

1. bachelor party for Mike D.- fun, funny and sad at the same time.
2. prepare for vacation - did it done.
3. make sure that santa makes a detour for FL - he did. with a little help from UPS
4. leave for vacation - without a hitch, except we got to the airport WAY too early. Wasn't there some kind of terror warning that was causing delays? Apparently not on the East Terminal
5. xmas- which I found out that referring to christmas as xmas is highly insulting to Christians. I bet you have a hunch I won't stop calling it that though.
6. new years eve- sadly, it would have been a little bit more exciting if there had been some terrorist event coinciding with the new year, only because I was expecting it. Certainly, I wouldn't wish for it.
7. fly home - again, fairly uneventful, but I think next time I will spring the extra $100 bucks to sleep past 5am.
8. Mike D.'s rehearsal and rehearsal dinner - the best part was it included bowling. The worst part, Mike decided to have a mushy moment right when the songs I paid a buck to hear came on the jukebox! Damn you Mike, I just wanted some ZZ TOP!
9. THE wedding- most of you reading this are already privvy to all the details preceding this event, and finally it happened. everything went as planned, at least everything I have control over, which is not much. The flower girl walked down the isle just fine. pictures on the other hand -- very uncooperative. good thing we signed a prenuptual agreement completely releasing us from any responsibility of damage, physical or emotional, caused by the flower girl's action or non-action. On to a new chapter in everyone's life, especially Mike and Adena.
10. remember dilbert? back to the life, back to reality. back to the here and now.

I'm back

December Notice

I have been pretty busy lately. Not really with work, just with everything. So I have been noticably vacant in the blog thoughts as of recent times. So please excuse me.

In this time of year though, I would like to bring everyone's attention to a couple of thoughts.

In the last three days, two acquaintances have confided in me that they face some quite serious medical challenges. One with a degenerative eye disorder that may lead to cornea transplants and the other will require an open-heart surgery and a valve transplant. Its occurances like these, no matter how close to you they are, that we need to take a step back and think. Think about how lucky you are. How lucky you are in your current medical state. How lucky to know who you know. How fortunate you are to have what you have. Put some relativity in your thoughts. When life is generally good for you, share some of that with someone else. I don't mean toss a quarter in a fountain. These are the things that I personally have found to be more valuable than money and fairly easy to share: time, a helping hand, a listening ear, friendship, brotherly advice, some average cooking, quite a selection of tools.

Anyway. Thanks for reading. And for those of you interested in more blah blah from me. Check back after the new year. I'm sure to have some more blah in my bag of blahs.

Monday, December 8

query
Q. why do pizza places charge $1.50 for each additional topping when a frozen pizza with a gazzilion toppings cost the same as one with only cheese?
A. because they can.

Tuesday, December 2

I can't tell you how pleased I am when on Monday mornings, as I approach our driveway, I realize the we haven't started either of our cars during the entire weekend. This isn't by any means implying that we were shut-ins all weekend. Quite the opposite can happen. That is the beauty of being able to walk to a variety of different destinations.

Monday, December 1

A downward spiral
In my frenzy of checking out the ads for Black Friday, when I didn't need or want anything, I was disgusted to find that at least one store was going to be open on Thanksgiving. It wasn't even a life or death, must get my prescription filled store. It was a craft and garden store! I am devistated over this. Is nothing sacred? Years ago, I can remember when stores weren't open on Sunday. It only took one store to say, "hey we can make more money" and boom, all stores (except Goedekars) are open on sundays. It is only a matter of time when all stores will be open on thanksgiving. Sad, Sad , Sad.

Tuesday, November 25

either way.
I love my wife more than anything in the world...with my daughter being a close second. She is my partner on every level. I would share anything with my wife, and we do. It's kind of odd how the things we share and the way we share has evolved since we wed. We don't have much that is predetermined as hers or mine, except the hyper-obvious gender related items. Let me explain. My sweater is her sweater. My shirt is her shirt. My jacket is hers... It doesn't stop with clothes. We don't have assigned cars--you take the car that is first in the driveway. We don't have assigned spots in bed--you take whatever is open. We don't have separate bank accounts--we have one check book and even carry the same credit card number. We don't have spots at the dining room table or designated chairs in the living room, and I realize the severity of going against centuries of work to get men prime seating. I don't mind. Really. Much of this has gone without much thought or even realization until it came up in conversation with friends. I don't find it odd what we do, rather it makes the most sense. We don't envy the more traditional couples. In fact, we kind of think someare pretty silly with ownership and good for a couple of giggles and eye rolls. I suppose you could say that this is partly because we are just two very considerate people who don't want the other to feel like they got the shorter stick, or older car, or the spot on the bed that is least accessible to the bathroom. But more importantly, it makes life so much easier. Even though there the odds are pretty good that you are going to fill up two tanks of gas in a week. One exception to the rule, though, with what I feel is reasonable justificationm, is I have my own scissors. Our daughter is partly to blame for this, since if they weren't designated as mine and mine alone, I would never see them again. And it took me 5 pair to figure this one out.

Thursday, November 20

Dear Car Makers
I have done some exhaustive research, ahem, or at least read some exhausted research papers from the Fibbimus Institute. I can't comprehend why sedans don't have rear windshield wipers. Station wagons have them. SUVs have them. Minivans have them. Even hatchbacks have them. At initial ponderance, one might speculate that it is due to the angle of the back glass. but I beg to differ, since SUV has almost vertical, while hatchbacks have been under 45 degrees. So what gives? Am I the only one who would like this option on sedans?

Tuesday, November 18

I must be the only soul who can't leave the sink while I am brushing my teeth. I constantly have a foamy saliva waterfall running down the toothbrush, past my hand and dripping into the porcelin.

Thursday, November 13

disappointment
Nothing is more of a disappointment than when you snag a cookie from a plate full of chocolate chip cookies and after the first bite discover that it was an oatmeal raisin.

Monday, November 10

While this site is intended for those who have 30 seconds to spare, I would be remissed if I didn't recommend that you check out The Everyman Photo Contest since the hundreds of picture contendors have been posted for viewing!

Friday, November 7

Why do I continue to be shocked by the vial explosive sounds that come out of the bathroom stalls at work?

Thursday, November 6

Now, a while back, I mentioned my aversion to antenna toppers. Let me say, for the record that if there were such a beast that I could attach to my grocery cart, I would snatch it up. You see, for some reason I always leave my cart behind. Not sure why, but inevitably I do. Sometimes, it will be three aisles behind. That is, if I even get a cart. I have meen known on occassion to blast by the empty carts and baskets thinking that I can carry anything I buy. Twenty minutes later, I am struggling to grasp a gallon of milk on each fore-finger, a loaf of bread, some yogurts and a carton of eggs. When will I learn?

By the way, I wish that all stores handled their carts like Aldi. For those of you who haven't shopped the glory of Aldi, you have to "rent" the carts for a quarter. But upon returning the cart you get the quarter back. I can assure you that you will NEVER find a single cart in the parking lot!

Wednesday, November 5

Happy Birthday Neil
A sincere happy birthday wish to my best and only older brother that lives in Florida. Ahh Florida, the state right in front of California in the list of states that crazy s%&t happens.

Monday, November 3

Scary and scarier
this is wrong on so many levels. I'm not sure what is scarier. This life size barbie doll that is for sale on amazon.com, or the possessed evil girl next to her that looks like Gage from Pet Cemetary.

Friday, October 31

Did Neil from The Young Ones get his own show? I don't think so!

Now what I'm about to show you isn't exactly an original thought since I saw it on TV the other night. But, I found it fairly poignant that there is a formula for tv show spin-offs. The key element to this formula is to name the spin-off. You would want it to be evident that it was related to the parent show. How do you do that? You use the name of the character that was carried over. For the most part, you really only need the first name (a la Friends : Joey). I was amazed in my research to find a plethora of examples, of which the successes can be counted on one hand:

Alice : Flo
Mary Tyler Moore : Rhoda
Mary Tyler Moore : Lou Grant
Cheers : Frasier
Cheers : Tortellis
Good Times : Maude
All in the Family : Gloria
All in the Family : Jeffersons
Dukes of Hazard : Enos
Barney Miller : Fish
Buffy the Vampire Slayer : Angel
Sanford and Son : Grady
21 Jump Street : Booker
Three's Company : Ropers
All in the Family: Archie Bunker's Place
Andy Griffith : Gomer Pyle usmc
Happy Days : Joanie loves Chachi
Spencer for Hire : A man called hawk
MASH : trapper john, md

Thursday, October 30

Two feats of knick-knackery I just don't see the fascination with.

bobbleheads

and

car antenna toppers

Wednesday, October 29

East meets West
In a fit of indecision, spurred on by Kimberly and I both not feeling up to par, last nights dinner was a little bit comfort food and a little bit exotic.

a bologna sandwich

with a bowl of

miso soup.

Tuesday, October 28

the same, but different part 2.

Fred Willard

and

Frank Bonner AKA Herb Tarlek (the guy on the left, adjusting his tie

Monday, October 27

One of the few email notifications I am signed up for is the Webster University Film Series (although I rarely make it to a show). They usually show some student films, mixed in with indies and some old classics. Well, I would usually get an email weekly describing the following week's shows. Last week, I received these three emails that gave me as much gripping drama that any film could:


Dear Patrons,

Many of you know that Vicki Woods left the program on July 25th of this year
and that I stepped in as Acting Director of the Program. Those of you that
have worked with me in this time know that I have worked very hard and
dedicated myself to maintaining the Film Series despite very difficult
working conditions. I have been the only staff member running this office
for the past 5 months, often working 60-70 hours per week to do both the
Program Director and Program Coordinator jobs. I was denied repeated
requests for an office temp and was then placed on probation for having
spoken with Human Resources about it.

On Monday, my employment was terminated with 30 days notice. I can no
longer justify working under these conditions and after 5 PM today, the Film
Series office will have no staffing as far as I know. Today is my last day.

I was told by Al Wiman, my immediate supervisor, that the Film Series will
be moved and "reorganized" under the School of Communications, and that
there is no room for me in the organization, but I was given no timetable.
Therefore, I do not know who you need to contact regarding business that any
of you may have with the Film Series, but I suggest that you start with Al
Wiman:

Al Wiman
Vice President, University Communications
961-2660 x6997
wiman@webster.edu


I am sorry for Dick Bauer, our dedicated projectionist and house manager of
Winifred Moore, who will be left in the lurch in this situation and who I am
afraid will be asked to do more than he should. I have wrapped up as many
loose ends as I can for the immediate future, such as for this weekend's
screenings, but unfortunately that is all that I can do for him and for the
Series.

I really, truly loved my job and I am sad to go. But I must turn to new
opportunities that are available to me now and concentrate on my immediate
future. I wish that I could assure you that everything is being done by
administration to ensure that the Film Series is maintained at the highest
possible level, but obviously I do not believe that to be the case.


Thank you and take care,

Marc Syp
Soon-to-Be Former Acting Director
Webster Film Series


This was promptly followed by this one. (Guess who must have gotten an ass chewing).


Dear Film Series Patrons,

I want to apologize for my previous comments regarding my tenure at the Film
Series, as I did not mean to make any unwarranted claims or implicate the
University or any of its administrators. Conflicts arise in any institution as
a result of miscommunication and/or missed communications and it is my wish and
belief that any such conflict should be resolved amicably. I am confident that
the University is committed to the long-term excellence of the Film Series and
will continue to support the program to that end.

Thank you,
Marc Syp

And finally there was this one that came a couple days later:

Film Series Patrons,

I am honored to accept the position of Director of the Webster University
Film Series, and would like to extend my appreciation to Debra Carpenter
and the faculty and staff of the School of Communications for welcoming me
and the series.

Despite recent announcements on this list-serv, the series is staffed, and
will continue to provide the finest in American and Foreign documentary,
narrative and experimental films. And, this weekend is no exception;

On Friday, October 24, at 8pm, we are proud to present Buster Keaton’s
silent masterpiece The General, with accompaniment be the world renowned
Alloy Orchestra.

Saturday and Sunday October 25 & 26 at 8pm, we will feature the Ann Arbor
Film Festival Tour.

All shows are in Moore Auditorium, in Webster Hall, 470 E. Lockwood Ave,
in beautiful, autumnal Webster Groves. Admission is FREE for Webster
Students, $6 to the general public, and $5 for seniors.

Hope to see you there!

Mike Steinberg, Director
Webster University Film Series
Webster University
470 E. Lockwood Ave
St. Louis, MO 63119
(314) 968-7487

Monday, October 20

Not only is it Monday, which sucks. It's the Monday before the time change. Only one thing sucks more than having to get up when its dark...trying to get a 4 year old up and having to hear her rational explination with one eye half open, "it's not morning. look out the window, it's still night time." Oh, let me tell you, you speak the truth young one, but alas we must rise.

Thursday, October 16

What a classic. An unsuspecting fan, caught on film. Doing something he never thought he would do. I'm not talking about the guy with the arrow. I'm referring to the guy to the left of him, who is cowelling like a 12 year old girl who saw a daddy long leg. Wait, is that guy from Queer Eye?

Wednesday, October 14

Work
I work 1500 miles away from my boss. While this has its benefits, it also has its downsides. I get the independance to manage my own business, but every once in a while I have to ask for permission. Yesterday, I had to do just that and it sucks. While typically, I stand by the saying that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission, but this scenario wouldn't facilitate forgiveness. For those of you don't know, my team's peak season is from Jan-Feb, but there is a gradual build up in Dec. Kimberly and I decided to take a xmas vacation since we missed the window in summer. We will be getting out of dodge and flying to the wickedly demented state of Florida to visit my bro and his family. Well we booked ticketes a couple of weeks ago to leave on xmas eve and return on new years day, but I hadn't mustered up the courage to ask my boss. So yesterday, I had to walk in the lions den carrying a big fat juicy steak. The good news, we're going to florida. The bad news, if the S*&T hits the fan while I'm gone, I can pretty much look for a new job. The good news, I guess I would be forced to find a new job.

Monday, October 13

A simpleton's cry out.
In my simpleton kind of life, there isn't much that is more frustrating that trying to put a sock on someone who is squirmingly resistant

Thursday, October 9

Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up Ricky.

Man, great to see an old friend. Better Off Dead was on last night. This movie is definitely a classic for my age bracket. A great teen comedy with a touch of the absurd a la Edward Scissorhands.

Check it out and don't forget to give me my two dollars.

Wednesday, October 8

the same, but different.
When I was a lad, it was fairly common for me to mix up one person with another. Usually, they looked similar, with similar features. At least to me they looked the same. Most of these were in my escapist TV world although some spilled into real life. I was reminded recently of a prime example with the death of Donald O'Connor. You can imagine my disappointment when I watched the entire movie of Hans Christian Anderson on the channel 11 sunday movie II, and not once did a talking mule appear.

Donald O'Connor

and

Danny Kaye

Maybe I will soon feature some other possibly embarrassing former mix-ups that I am willing to admit.

Monday, October 6

I wish it wasn't true but...
I have to further perpetuate the stereotype of the Carny. At a school carnival this weekend, they had rides that were brought in from somewhere in Illinois. We all have this preconcieved notion of what one of these carnies looks like, usually with the poor dental health included. Well when I saw the operator of the Cobra down a full tube of Oragel and toss an empty tube in the trash, I feel compelled to confirm with you that your perception of carnies is unfortunately true. Might I suggest starting some sort of carny union or guild to acquire some insurance and other benefits.

Well that's a winner. The absolute most hits based on a search has been for more cOOOwbell. Unbelievable actually. Anyway on to my topic today.

Friday, October 3

Movies:
I want my money back!
My second entry of films I wish I hadn't seen is (surely to be contested):

The Thin Red Line, 1998
starring everybody and their mother (actually father since it's mostly men)

Aside from some fair performances and a billion leading stars who were in supporting roles, this movie lost me. A number of decent scenes but it starts out with some kind of underwater swimming scene that homage to a cross between The Monkees' Porpoise Song in Head, which by the way I didn't get either, and any Esther Williams synchronized swimming movie.

Thursday, October 2

You may have noticed a lack of entries this week. Let me explain. I spend about 30 minutes putting together an entry that could have been a pulitzer worthy article of public interest. Well upon saving my entry, my net connection froze and I lost it all. Out of disgust, I have been avoiding this blog until my jets cool. They're almost chilled.

Monday, September 29

Official Announcemtent
For the record, I have now learned more about John Ritter than I ever thought I could know or would want to know. With all due respect, goodbye jack tripper. Now lets be done with it.

Friday, September 26

Movies:
I want my money back!
On the flip side of my "Pleasantly Surprised" movie list, is this list which is relatively short but contains movies that not only were bad enough that I wanted my money back, but I also wanted reimbursement for my time wasted. I have a pretty high tolerance for bad, so I have never actually walked out of a theatre before it was finished, but I have wanted to. I will gracefully start with:

Warriors of Virtue, 1997
starring Angus MacFadyen and um, actually no one else you would know.

I'm not sure what we were thinking when plopped down cold cash for this one. In principle, this could have been a cool kid action/fantasy movie a la Dark Crystal, but it wasn't. Let's see Kangaroo ninjas, I don't think so. Special effects were especially cheesey, and story line flimsey. If I remember correctly, as we walked out of the theatre, we contemplated the fact that they made a mistake in the film title...it was supposed to be Warriors of PooPoo.

Thursday, September 25

"It wasn't me"

It doesn't get much more awkward than when you are in a store and you pass gas, and as the clerk walks into it, you remember that it is only the two of you in the entire store. No words.

Wednesday, September 24

A marketing companies dream!

There are two kinds of people. First there are those who never try anything new. If they like McDonald's cheeseburgers, they will always opt for the reliable staple. Then there are those who always try whatever is new and different (i.e. mcgriddle). I am the latter. If it says on the packaging "new", I'm a sucker. I've been known to try almost anything once, even if I end up throwing a portion away. A perfect example was at a Chinese Grocery. I saw a can of some kind of root soda. Sounded interesting. It wasn't good. Closer to the cough syrup family. So obviously there are times I wish I was in the the former of categories, and I would always be consistant, but then again, I would have missed out on so much.

16 km SE of Tuscon, Arizona is this airplane graveyard. Hundreds of war planes that have been retired but not destroyed live in the dry heat of the southwest.
airplane graveyard

Friday, September 19

Film Surprise #6
The sixth film in my 'no expectations', 'pleasantly surprised' collection of fillms is:

Shoot to Kill, 1988
Sidney Poitier, Tom Bergenger, Kirstie Alley; directed by Roger Spottiswoode

A diamond hiest, a kidnapping and a mountain man. The identity of the criminal is kept secret until near the end. Great action, great guessing game. And believe it or not, my first exposure to Sidney Poitier.

Thursday, September 18

Poem
Oh, why does it urk me so
when I send an email to someone
containing something funny or humorous
that I created or found
and the only reply I get is:
"you must be bored at work."

don't be that person.

Tuesday, September 16

One of the best features of a car radio is the "scan" feature. This is the one that when pressed, will play every station for 5 seconds, then skip to the next station with a signal. It keeps going until you press the scan button again, presumably because that stations current audio gesture is to your liking. For me, I'm perfectly happy keeping it on scan. That's right. I don't care if I don't hear the whole song. Country, sure. Hip Hop, why not? Ultra-conservative political blah-blah, why certainly. It's only for five seconds. I've got a short attention span anyway. It's perfect for the guy that, sans-TiVo, could flip tv channels for an hour straight and be perfectly happy. Of course there is the gnawing sensation that there could be something better on the next station. So why haven't they invented a "scan" button for TVs? For that matter, why haven't they invented Tivo for the car radio? and I know for a fact there are a couple of you that have actually tried to TiVo your radio, and you know who you are.

Monday, September 15

yummy.

Went to the Clayton indoor pool this weekend.
Which is worse?

the slimy substance around the drain on the tile floor of the locker room

or

that inevitable floating band-aid in the pool?

I consider it a toss up. Both of which I try to avoid.

Thursday, September 11

Bring in Hercules!
I don't how it happens, but I can load up a shopping cart to the brim with food, and when I get home, somehow I am able to carry all the loaded plastic bags in the house with one hand.

Tuesday, September 9

No matter how ingenious I think I am taking preventative measures, whenever I take a shower, I always get a puddle of water outside the tub.

Monday, September 8

Saturday, I helped my father-in-law lay down a shingle roof. Let me tell you this body ain't cut out for manual labor. It couldn't have been a more beautiful day, a comfortable 78 degrees. After 6 hours of kneeling on a roof, grabbing asphalt shingles, my back ached, my knees throbbed and I don't think I had any fingerprints left. I have a new respect for manual laborers.

Friday, September 5

Ponderance
How many of you have actually pulled onto the side of the road to assist someone in apparent or possible need? Just checking.

Thursday, September 4

I picture something round, that cars can roll on...
Tonight, we did something I've had the urge to do for a while. As long as I can remember, I have never been satisfied with room layouts for very long. Even as a kid I would grow tired of where my bed was and eventually move everything around to form a completely different room. Sometimes, it was more creative than others. Anyway, I was bored with our living room layout and wanted to change, but due to lack of wall space, there really wasn't any other option. So we flopped the dining room and the living room. I think I really like it, except the fireplace is now in the dining room (kinda that lodge feel), but we'll live.

I quickly realized that we needed something else to put the tv on/in. It currently sits on a TV stand with storage underneath. I started to visualize some sort of armoire. I surfed the net for ideas, but nothing was exactly fitting. So I grabbed my ruler, graph paper, pencil and cool white eraser and started sketching what I wanted. Eventually I was confident that I could actually build exactly what I was looking for. Something wood, that was lower to the ground, about the same height as a buffet table. Yes, that would be perfect. No one has designed anything like it! I was a pioneer! Leave it to Kimberly to burst my bubble when I excitedly explained what I had invented and planned on building. She looked at me with a cute grin and put her hand on my shoulder and said "it sounds like you just reinvented the console television."

Dag nabit! She was right. I didn't invent it, but I still want it. So I may be on a mission to find an old one and gut it. Maybe even find a diginfied way to put a front on it with hinges.

Tuesday, September 2

Film Surprise #5
The fifth film in my 'pleasantly surprised' collection of films is:

Dead Again 1991
Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, Andy Garcia; directed by Kenneth Branagh

I think the only reason I saw this one was because Andy Garcia was really quite the cool cat at that time. He had previously been in The Untouchables and starred in Internal Affairs. Anyway, the rest of the cast was unknown to me (except the serious cameo by Mork). There was enough twists and suspense to seriously mess with your brain. A true Hitchockian psychological thriller mixed with a reincarnation love story. Pretty darn good film score too. Do check this one out. In fact, I haven't seen this one since the theater in 1991. I should probably ask a reader to borrow their dvd? Anyone???

Thursday, August 27

Anticipation-- you gotta love the moog
There's a certain song that has been haunting me for, oh, say 6 months. I could whistle it as if it was the national anthem, but I couldn't tell you the name of it or the artist. I only knew it from a skit on Saturday Night Live where it was playing in the background (no, not the cowbell skit with Walken, but that one is a particular favorite). Anyway, there is the internet acquaintance that covers little ditties with his digital camera every week and posts on Fridays. Well thanks to my bud Brian, I now have my own mp3 version of the song. So I submitted my request to Michaelpella and hope to see it there soon! Remind me in a couple of weeks to tell you what it is if it doesn't appear before then.

Tuesday, August 26

Sad but true
Callista and I went to a Walgreen's tonight to get some nasal spray, epson salt, shampoo and a chocolate racecar (guess who picked that one). This Walgreens is the closest to our house and has a majority of minority patrons in a mid to lower-mid class area. In parusing their aisles, I came across the condom section. They were right where they would be at any other Walgreens. Except, here it was different. These were guarded by a plexiglass case and a padlock--not conveniently located next to a cashier or near the pharmacy. You would have to study the inventory, decide what your fancy was, pace the aisle to find someone to open it, probably have that person try to find someone who actually is trusted enough to carry the key, tell them exactly which kind you wanted, then take it up to the register. Considering the context, location and more, I find this disturbing and sad on so many levels. Let me break it down for you with my 200 level socialology background.

Actually, I'm too disturbed to type it all out. You are going to have to figure this one out on your own. I trust you can read my mind. But don't give me the asset protection excuse. Those readers that know me are well aware of my background in that field, but this is socially inexcusable.

Monday, August 25

Runways of Milan? Nah, try the interstate through Ashville!
It's funny, this cycle of fashion thing. It was the early eighties and I wished with all my might that I had enough money to buy a baseball hat that had fabric all the way around. But alas, all I had was the kind with the plastic mesh on the back. It felt like I was the last boy on the planet that didn't have the "cool" hat. Now, 20 years later, struck stop found a crap load of the mesh hats in a Stuckey's truckstop warehouse and somehow they made it back in fashion. Hmm, I think I saw some brock-a-brellas at the Dollar Store!

would you believe that on the entire web, there was no picture of a brock-a-bella. And yes, I did see them at the dollar store. Email me if you want to know which one.

Thursday, August 21

Ninja Granny
Did you hear that Michael Jackson has some sort of motion detector that notifies him that some one is approaching is bedroom? [insert naughty inference here] While I hate to draw comparisons to Jacko and myself, I have one of those too. The floor leading to my desk at work is hollow. It has some panels in it that can be removed to expose wiring. This works great as an indicator. Not that I am doing anything completely inappropriate, but the one time I might be taking a breather playing pitfall. It basically puts me on alert status--hop hop--look professional. Sometimes I can even smell certain people approaching, but that story later. There was a changing of the guard in the building that has a different big-wig hit me up for info regularly. This new lady is like a ninja with the stealth of a prowling lion. I don't think her feet hit the floor. There is silence........then all of a sudden......a greeting. Like, where the heck did you come from. After the first time, I dismissed this that I was concentrating on something important. But, alas it has happened every time since. Anybody have Jacko's phone #?

Wednesday, August 20

I'm your huckleberry
For those of you that this phrase triggered something, good catch. For those of you that it didn't, it is reference to the movie I watched recently for the first time, Tombstone. No, not the Kevin Costner-as-Wyatt Earp one. The other one. Well, I was pleasantly surprised by this movie and its star power. Particularly with Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday who uttered this phrase at least 3 times if I'm not mistaken [click here if you have sound]. As inquisitive as I am, I pondered what exactly "I'm your huckleberry" meant. I mean, knew Huckleberry Finn, and had watched Huckleberry Hound. I even knew that a huckleberry was some kind of fruit. But what does it mean if you are someone's huckleberry? So off to the internet I went where I was quick to find that there were hundreds of post posing the same question, with answers I might add. So I ask you, is there any thing, or phrase that I could write about that wouldn't already exist on the web. I reckon that no one has ever wondered about something. But I just can't think of one.

Friday, August 15

The day is a good day when you can peel back the white paper wrapper to a ice cream sandwich without tearing it AND there is no sticky yellow goo on the chocolate.

Thursday, August 14

My Tivo is crying
Summer is coming to an end and my 3 favorite shows of the season are about to expire:

Goodbye to The Wire.

Goodbye to Amazing Race 4.

Goodbye to Project Greenlight.

I can only hope that all three come back to my Tivo soon. And by the way, after a gazzilion seasons I have officially given up on Real World and Road Rules. I don't know if it's growing up or what, but I have successfully not watched any of the episodes. I guess I'm a good candidate for the cold-turkey method, since I don't even miss it.

Wednesday, August 13

One of the many differences between CA and MO is that every public restroom in CA has toilet seat protectors. You know, the horseshoe shaped piece of tissue paper. Well I for one can never figure out how to use that thing. Does the flap go in the back or the front. Either way, I am sure to make a bigger mess than if I just used toilet paper. Now, there is another alternative. Check out this. They may be onto something....Although this makes me think of that endless blue dirty towel in some gas station bathrooms.

Tuesday, August 12

May good triumph over evil!

Monday, August 11

Most people are good
We experienced great luck, and proof of innocence this week. Someone, ahem, accidentally left our front door open all day while no one was home. I mean all the way open, as in the mailman just set our daily barrage of junk mail and catalogs on the foyer floor. So, here we are, on the busier of our neighborhood streets, with a decent amount of foot traffic from residents and those who don't even live in our hood. No cars in the driveway, and door wide open from 9am to 6pm. Upon coming home, I quickly scouted out the house to make sure our quasi-valuables (it's all relative) were still there and they were. And once I checked all of our closets for the serial killer I have had nightmares about with the red bandana over his face and the butcher knife held up by his...--let me digress. I had to take a moment first of all to remember that a majority of our civilization is well intended, and would never steal from my house. After that, it occured to me that everyone would probably have different priorities of what to check first upon entering the house. As to be expected, I was relieved to see my friend Tivo. I would like to think that I only checked that first since it was on the way upstairs. So here's the deal. You check to make sure that the things that are most important to you are still there, not necessarily the highest $ amounts, however, that certainly plays a small part in its importance. This must be true since I didn't check on the $5000 Carmelita Dunlop bowl that we have on loan from the encinitas gallery. You know, I had better take a stroll in the dining room tonight and make sure that's still there...

Friday, August 8

Q. What's worse than little feet running in the bathroom to get a washcloth just after I had given her a glass of water while she was playing on the computer?

A. Little feet coming back in for a towel.

Thursday, August 7

Travelling observations PART II--the hotel
Long flights always mess with my eating timing and pattern. I ate breakfast, but by the time we landed, it was 2pm as far as my belly was concerned. So needless to say I was quite famished. The hotel was in Burlingame, which was cool, or so I thought, since I had remembered a great sushi bar in downtown burlingame. Well after waiting a half hour for the hotel shuttle, then realizing that the hotel was nowhere near downtown burlingame, I resorted to eating at the hotel restaurant, much to the dismay of my tastebuds.

Now I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with this, and maybe it is only my company, but when I goto conferences that are with "my peers", we have to share rooms to keep costs down. It is such a surreal thing to sleep next to, and cohabitate with someone you have NEVER met or even heard of. Surreal you ask? Where do I start? There's just this awkward silence in the morning when you wake up. Some people are conversational, and some aren't. Meanwhile, you have to determine who's taking a shower first and all those details. I talked to my boss about the oddity of the experience and he confided in me that the few times he had to share, he never used the bathroom. That's right, he would use the public bathroom in the lobby. He said he did this as a courtesy to the roommate so he wouldn't offend them. To the contrary, my hotel bathroom is as close to my surrogate toilet as it can get.

Wednesday, August 6

Travelling observations PART I--the airport
1. ladies over 55 are kick-butt card shufflers.
2. I thought I would be able to ID the air marshall, but I couldn't. And I was looking everyone over.
3. there were at least 10 ads in the airline magazine for steak houses. mmm, steak.
4. some people have no problem touching strangers as if they were family. Just ask the guy next to me. [see hand on shoulder asking "how 'bout a bag of litter"]
5. some people show disrespect for tivo by misrepresenting the facts. Tsk tsk. Respect thy tivo.

Monday, August 4

Don't give up on me yet!
I've spend nearly a week an San Fran and have logged many conversation points to post soon, but alas I have to unwind. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, July 29

I'm a one-way dude.

Let me clarify. Every time I go to the gas station (which by the way, I'm pleasantly surprised how much the change from Amoco to BP is pleasing to the eye), I get the hose twisted up upon returning it to the base unit. It's all about my pivot and rotate pattern. I pull out and turn to the left--both times--when I take from the base unit and when I pull from my car. Sometimes it may even be twisted that way before I touch it, so I am compounding the problem. If I put a little forethought, I could prevent this, but until then, the poor sap behind me has to do a double spin to stretch it to his car.